Same Tune Different Song

Yeah so I still need a car, although I have food and everything, I need to get a job and I need to work out and lose this stupid spare tire that has been building ever since I started college. I am about to finish college and begin a year of reign and I want to look fly. I need to get on that. But I really need to start saving for grad school. I definitely like to put stuff off because even though I like traveling starting over kinda terrifies me. Especially starting over alone-again. But I need to have money for an apartment, money for tuition, money for food, and money for another if my dad gets his way and I get a piece of crap car. And everything in life depends on this overly complicated process of getting a car. Not to mention even if I find the perfect car for the perfect price it will still take me another two or three days just to get the loan money since my dad won't give it to me now. Who will hold a car for three days for me. I don't think dealerships do that...I'll have to pray and beg and maybe cry in order to get that to work...I wish they would just give me the money so I can get things done...If people would trust me with my own life that would be incredible. I don't know....

Maybe its just me...

I don't understand why it's so difficult for people to understand that I am an adult and should be treated as such. I don't get why people get upset that I have my own opinion, and that I don't easily succumb to the will of others. I thought those were traits that should be admired in a person. I thought that's the intent that people raise their children with...but maybe I'm wrong. Since it seems that others believe that they know more about me and my situation than I ever could which baffles me.

No Job, No Car....starting to feel like a bum

Okay so I have always enjoyed my time not having to have a job. I love it I will be honest. There is this intoxicating freedom with knowing that you don't have to be somewhere 30 hours out of your week. Not because I am lazy, moreso because I am involved with everything so I love my free time-especially while I'm still in school. However, I really want a car. And after waiting so many years to get one I just want to have the freedom of a car-which sadly means I lose freedom to get it. I don't think people understand how difficult it is to get a car when you don't have one. How can I go to car lots or get cars inspected if I have no way to get there; how can I get a job if I have no way to get to the interview and no way to get to and from work. I don't know how people build from scratch. Thankfully I do have scholarship/internship/grant money coming in at random times that I can use to get a car. However, since I had the money for the car and it didn't go through I'll admit I started spending more money on clothes and trips because I wanted to be happy even if I couldn't be happy with a car. Not smart I know, cause now I am in the position that I cant get what I want. Which after waiting for years to get one is just about the same as not being able to afford it at all. My dad wants me to get a bucket that I can just drive around Little Rock. What he doesn't understand is that any break I have I want to take my car with me or else I'll be in the same position on my breaks and I won't be able to visit friends or go shopping or any of the things college students like to do on their breaks from a long semester. The worst thing on a break is to be talking to a friend who has free time like you but you can't hang out because neither of you has a car. I feel like I'm 14 wanting to experience the world but stuck inside by endless boundaries and obstacles. Just last night I sat in my summer dorm room all night wishing I had had more time to car shop...but not just time I had had plenty of time to car shop but since my brother has to work long hours I never actually got to see many of the cars that I found. Ugh. And now I'm back in LR where it seems that if you want a car for under 4 grand it will literally be a ball of steel after some terrible accident in which it was involved. And the same problem is evident. Only worse because it is only a matter of days or weeks until my parents kick me off the phone plan and even though I love verizon..It is too high for any upcoming professional in the making. It's more than insurance. I'm gonna look for a car and save my research money...and just maybe when school starts I will have a car.

My Summer has been AWESOME!

A week in the Bahamas, a 4 day cruise to Florida Key West and Mexico. God has definitely blessed me. I don't even know if I can describe at this moment how great it was. Maybe I will have to come back and fill in the details. But even my time home (SAT) has been great. In spite of the heat and the fact that I still don't have a car so I have to do the walk of shame back to school-AGAIN, I still got to see most of my very best friends of all time that I only get to see twice a year- some less. And I still know that although things come up they still have my back through everything. My friends that I met in either elementary school or middle school that no matter how much time separates us will still make time if an opportunity or need arises. I'm especially grateful that I got to reconnect with a friend from ms/hs that I have not spoken to in years and it has made this summer much more interesting, much more exciting, and made me reevaluate my life in regards to where I'm going, what my likes and dislikes really are, and what goals I really have for myself. Made me really think about how I am just floating through life without a destination and that I have kinda become complacent. Just waiting for the next opportunity that presents itself not actually taking a goal and striving for excellence and to succeed. So I have made some new goals that I will post at a later time of a few things I want to do just for me. Not what everyone else wants of me. I am going to miss my friends when I go to school tomorrow. Sometimes I feel bad cause I don't keep in touch like I should but my people don't even stress about it at all. And we are always there for each other even if it can't be in person.

Also this summer I have made stronger friendships with people from Philander..they say absence makes the heart grow fonder. Well I think that works with friends as well. Maybe its a November baby thing. That makes me feel better about life as well especially I'm going into my first collegiate school year that I won't be involved with my ex. And since one girl has left our corner (lol) for law school. I feel happy that I have received so much support in life. I'm really thankful for my roommate as well. I don't talk to her much over the summer-(its her vacation from me lol) but we are always cool. I need a car though so I don't worry her to death. But the best of friends can put up with that kind of maddness and still want to hang out with ya later. I'm kinda rambling at this point. I just know that although I need to grow up a lot still. I also know that I need to enjoy this rare point in life when I have the freedom and the means to just have fun and find out who I am and what I like and express it to the world. And that is what I plan to do. And like I said I will upload my list later. I love both of my blogs...and although no one probably reads them but me. It has been a great release and seems like once I put stuff on here things just happen-and I love it.